No matter how long I live in the south, I cannot seem to adjust to leaves falling in springtime. Everything I’ve ever known, or learned about the cycles of life growing up in Pennsylvania, got turned on its head when I moved down to Charleston. Now, here I am, more than thirty years later, and I still want to scream at Mother Nature for upsetting my paradigm.
In a recent trip outside for my morning meditation, Mother Nature and I had a deep conversation about this. Consider it a Taoist lesson if you will. Here is how it went.
Me: What the hell MN? Leaves fall in autumn, not March. Isn’t that why we call it Fall?
MN: Oh yeah, Says who?
Me: Says me!
MN: And who are you?
Me: I am a human being who thinks she knows what’s what and knows the natural order of things.
MN: In other words, you are a just a mammal who thinks they need one specific structure to live a happy life?
Me: Yes.
MN: And if I upset your logical order, you can no longer function. Is that it?
Me: Well, when you put it that way, I guess I can function but it’s much harder.
MN: So when your logic fails you, you cannot trust something bigger than yourself?
Me: Like what, God?
MN: Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you can just trust something beyond yourself, beyond your logic, something bigger than your emotions, bigger than you?
Me: Um. Okay. I think I get where you’re going. You’re asking if I am not in control of the order of things, then how does that change my perspective? Well, it certainly causes me a great deal of discomfort.
MN: Why?
Me: Because if I do not know the order of things, how can I plan?
MN: In other words, if you are not in control of the universe, how can you feel safe in the world?
Me: Kinda, yeah. If I am not in control of the external, what am I in control of?
MN: Your response to the external, your response to the constant changing of things like falling leaves in spring time.
Me: And that’s supposed to be enough?
MN: Yes!
Me: But what about my plans, my hopes, my dreams, my vocation, my destiny?
MN: What if I told you that you were not here for any of that but rather to simply experience life as a human being, with all of its twists and turns, certainties and uncertainties. What if your task was simply to love, to hurt, to laugh, to cry, to experience the full spectrum of what is available to you, accepting that everything that happens is…
Me: Is what?
MN: Just is!
Me: I think it’s easier to curse the falling spring leaves.
MN: Sure it is, but you are deeper than that. You can think beyond inconvenience, beyond yourself.
Me: Like how?
MN: Like by laughing at yourself when you want to curse the leaves, or rush the dawn, or push back the tide…
ME: In other words, I should just accept what is and keep going?
MN: Well, that’s a start. Accepting that there are many orders of things and not all of them adhere to your expectations. If you can do this, a whole new world will open up to you and you will begin to see things in broader ways.
Me: Like how?
MN: Well let’s take the leaves for a start. Once you accept that some leaves do fall in spring time, you may just learn to enjoy them as they fall.
Me: Savor what I am given you mean?
MN: Simply enjoy things rather than automatically curse them because they don’t fit your expectations. Enjoy the leaves knowing that they are only going to fall for a short period, knowing that this too shall end.
Me: But that brings up a deeper discomfort: the ending of good things. Who ever really wants good things to end?
MN: Those who trust that all things come and go, those who know that more good things will come down the road.
Me: But what if they don’t? That’s a pretty painful thought.
MN: The pain depends on what you are trying to keep, the happiness those things bring or the things themselves.
Me: I don’t understand.
MN: Maybe not fully, but you are beginning to…”
Me: Really? How?
MN: By continuing to have these conversations and by being open to new ways of thinking about the world.